Day 1 of recovery

7/1/14



About 5:15 AM



This night has been horrible, just like I imagined it would be.  Alexa's pain has been unbearable & uncontrollable at times.  Ty went back to Ronald McDonald House to get some sleep since only 1 parent could stay in the room in NICU.  They were going to take out the breathing tube, as I mentioned before, but she wasn't breathing on her own so they decided to leave it in.  I got all ready for bed & finally got settled in & drifted off around 11:00 I think when about 11 something I started hearing something banging.  I kept waking up thinking it was really strange that the nurse kept banging like that.  I heard it at least 5 or 6 times & finally woke up enough to look around & saw that the nurse wasn't in the room & that it was Alexa banging on the side of the bed trying to get someone's attention.  She still was intubated so she couldn't talk.  I hurried over there & she held up her 10 fingers & when I asked her if her pain level was at a 10 she started nodding her head.  I hurried out to get the nurse & they finally were able to get her calmed down after about an hr!  They decided to try letting her breathe on her own again to see if she could have the breathing tube removed & she was able to do so just fine.  Around midnight they all came in to remove the tube.  I decided I don't like watching that at all, especially not on my child!!  They kept telling her to cough & I was thinking they were crazy for telling her that after she just had her belly cut open!!  When she finally got that out she was able to tell them that the Dilaudid they were giving her for pain wasn't working.  Then I remembered that when we were in Florida after her ERCP/sphincterotomy it didn't work either & they had to switch her to morphine so I told them that.  The dr approved that but it took so long to get everything switched over & she was it so much pain.  The entire night went like that, her being in unbearable, excruciating pain & it taking them about 1/2 hr - 45 min to get it under control & then she sleeps & I catch a few zzzzz & then she wakes up in terrible pain again.  It's been a long night & as soon as Ty gets here I will probably let him take over & go to the RMH to sleep a bit.  Please continue to pray that her healing will be quick.  Everyone told us that she wouldn't remember the NICU but I believe she will remember everything.  It's how it was in Florida all over again & she remembers it all too well.  That's what she kept saying when she finally was able to talk, "I thought I was supposed to be so sedated I wouldn't remember any of this!"  I prayed with her several times during the night & Ty was able to give her a blessing before he left.  This is what Ty's Mom sent me in a text:



"We just knew everything would go well.  Our Father is so loving and is so aware of all the pleading we all have been doing in her and your behalf, I know it's going to be so hard hearing her with all the pain she will have, just know that the pain now is because she is getting better, the pain before she was getting worse.  I know that doesn't help a lot.  The only thing that would help me with all the pain I have had from the tractor and all the other things was thinking of all the pain our Savior went through for us.  But when it's our child in pain it is so much harder to take.  I remember when any of you kids got hurt or were sick I would beg for it to be me instead.  But I know now I would have taken away your blessing and your growth.  I just did as much to try and make it better for you.  So I'm sure that's how our Father is with all of us.  So just give her all the love and demand all the help that the meds can do for her.  All this has brought back all the memories of all the pain Sabrina lived with most of her life.  I remember begging our Father In Heaven over and over to take what she had away and I would do anything, even let the tractor turn over and over on me, jut give it to me, not her.  I was wrong in asking but it hurt to bad to see our little girl hurt and would hurt all her life with such a dreadful disease.  So that had to be her mission in this life and another lesson we had to go through.  Sabrina had a picture she got and had it on her desk that said, "I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it!!!"  I have to believe that she did!  I know Alexa believes that, it's just so hard to hurt so bad and see our loved ones hurt so bad.  So I have to stop this crying and worrying about Alexa!  Tell her her Grandma Dixie sure does love her and has been talking and pleading with our Father In Heaven the last few days for her and you guys.  Because I've been on both sides I really do know the feeling!  I have felt Sabrina's presence so strong today here and there.  She loved Alexa and you guys so much!!" 



I am so grateful for Mom & Dad Rowley & for the unseen angels, Sabrina & my Mother, who are absolutely on the other side helping Alexa get thru this!!  I know if anyone knows what we are going thru it is Mom Rowley!!! She is such a great example of endurance & faith!!  I'm so sorry this has been so hard on her & brought back such hard memories.  Thank you so much for that text that I read last night at one of the hardest times of the night! 

Hey it's me (Alexa) again, I remember that night very well. That night I had woken up before I had even gone into the NICU. I could tell that I was really drugged up because I couldn't move at all but I could think and hear perfectly. I remembr being in so much pain but I couldn't move at all and I couldn't talk because I was intabated. I remember them talking about me being on Dilauded and I knew immediatly that that wasn't going to work, but there was no way for me to tell them that. I then fell back to sleep still in a tone of pain. I woke up again in the NICU with my parents next to me. I still wasn't able to talk to them to tell them that the pain medication wasn't working other than to hold up ten fingers. When I woke up again it was in the middle of the night. I knew that the nurse wasn't in the room and my parents bed was behind me so I didn't know if they were in the room either. So I said a prayer asking Heavenly Father that if mom or dad was in the room that they would wake up. I was banging on the bed at the same time. Thankfully my mom woke up. The minute they took the tube out of my throat I told them that Dilauded didn't work. 
Thanks so much for the prayers they are greatly appreciated.